Until you choose you, nobody else can.
What does it mean to choose you? If we Googled the phrase, “choose you,” what might come up? Instantly, there are videos and images that reflect the thought of choosing someone else. Most common is the idea of “I choose you.” It’s a wonderful, relationship-type idea that “against all odds” and “if given the option again,” I would choose you. But that’s not the idea that we’re after.
What would it mean for each of us to choose ourselves? In each situation, if given the option between choosing someone else’s needs, wants, thoughts, or ideas, or choosing our own, what typically
happens? Well, that depends on who you’re asking. If I were asking a narcissist, they would not pause in responding, picking the option that yields them the best results, regardless of the cost to others. But if I were asking someone who was the victim of a trauma, we might instead see hesitation as they consider the option that best suits the other person, regardless of the cost to themselves.
Trauma comes in as many forms as there are people out there. Some of us were traumatized into believing our thoughts, opinions, feelings, needs, or ideas were less important than someone else’s. This idea could have been programmed into us by an abuser who knew what they were doing and wanted focus directed to themselves. Or, it could have been more subtle. Some personalities are so big, there isn’t room for anyone else to have an idea, or opinion. And, when personalities aren’t naturally big, when the person has been trained to defer to others, or when those people are empaths, the bigger personality will always win.
What does it mean to choose you?
It seems like the idea is purely selfish. Well, it could be selfish, but it also could be the thing that helps someone see the value inherent within themselves. Choosing you isn’t about being selfish, it’s not about getting what you want, no matter the cost. Choosing you is about living your life for only you. It is about doing the things that bring joy and positivity into your life. It is about making the most of your life, and not allowing anyone else’s toxic negativity to affect your aspect.
When you’ve been trained to put others’ needs ahead of your own, it is not easy to choose you. In fact, when first starting down this path, it is incredibly difficult. It is also full of people who say you are selfish and self-centered. Let them say it. Living your life isn’t about them, it’s about you. And living your best life means you get to have a voice and thoughts, and opinions. You get to be seen and heard. You get to be the star and hero of your own story.
When you start making choices for you, others around you will also be empowered to choose themselves as well. As each person recognizes their importance and their worth, other amazing things will begin to happen. Not the least of which, is that others will also have permission to choose you too. Until you choose you, nobody else can.
Start today. Make a small choice, do a small thing, that is just for you. Do a thing that brings nobody joy but yourself. Take a beat to feel how that feels. Revel in it. Take that feeling into the next decision and the next. Before you know it, you’ll be living your life for you, not concerned about how that affects anyone around you.
Your life belongs to you. Never forget that.
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To read more about the concept of choosing you and how that affects your relationships, check out Marianne Williamson, “Our Deepest Fear.”